


?

by Sunshadows



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 06:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6317587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunshadows/pseuds/Sunshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec finds himself forced to come out to his parents and it does not go well. Idk entirely where I'm going with this but there will be malec.</p>
            </blockquote>





	?

Alec looked up from the comic book Max was showing him when the door swung open. He felt a little jolt in his stomach as Magnus Bane swept into the room, looking elegant in a shimmering teal silk shirt, tight black leather trousers and pointed blue suede boots. He wore several long necklaces and his hair was spiked with green tips and purple glitter.

"You called?", Magnus said, striding immediately over to Isabelle, a look of mild interest on his face.

Isabelle pulled out her phone to show Magnus the photos she had taken at the scene of a recent attack, and began to tell him about the unfamiliar symbols they had found in a hydra demon lair on a hunt earlier that evening. Alec watched Magnus with fascination; the light in the room glinted off the warlock's many silver rings as he gesticulated while he spoke . Alec felt a soft poke on his shoulder and turned as Max whispered, "Alec? Who's that sparkly man?"

"That um - that's Magnus Bane. He's the High Warlock or Brooklyn,"Alec responded, and waited for Max's response. He wondered how much his little brother knew about warlocks; when nephilim were taught about downworlders they were told that they were inferior and untrustworthy, but Max was clever, and not quick to judge like so many others would.

"Is he one of the good guys?" Max asked.

"He's amazing", Alec blurted out, before mentally slapping himself. "-at -at his job. He's amazing at his job", he quickly amended. He was saved any further questioning from Max when Magnus approached them. Alec held his breath and drew himself up in his seat slightly, while Max shrunk back into the sofa, his eyes wide and shining, his small face painted with awe.

"Alexander", Magnus purred. "And you must be Max", he turned a curious gaze on the youngest Lightwood. Max nodded enthusiastically. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Max", Magnus said, and when it became clear that max was not going to speak anytime soon - Magnus could have that effect on new people - he spun on the heel of one pointed boot to face Alec.

They had been dating for about a month now, but nobody knew; even Isabelle only knew that they were both interested in each other, and had her suspicions. Alec knew that Magnus understood the Clave's stance on being gay, and would never purposely out him, knowing the risks. However, his entire body was still tense, because Magnus might let something slip and Max could accidentally pass it on to one of his parents. It was also possible that Max had been conditioned to be homophobic, and Alec couldn't bear the thought of his brother hating him.

To Alec's relief, Magnus simply said, "you're sister will explain the situation to you; I have a client to meet with soon. Good evening, young Lightwoods". As he left the institute Alec sank back into the sofa, some of the tension bleeding out of him. Before Max could ask any questions, Maryse's voice floated from the kitchen calling them in for dinner and Alec gratefully rushed from the room, followed by his siblings.      
  
                    * * *  
"I saw Magnus Bane leaving", Maryse said looking between Alec and Isabelle. "Did he have any idea about the symbols?"

Before anyone could answer, Max interrupted. "Is Magnus your boyfriend, Alec?"

Alec blanched. "W-what? What are you talking about? Of course not Max. I-I'm not- I don't-I- don't be ridiculous."

Max's brows furrowed in confusion. "But I saw how he looked at you, his face changed and went all soft, like when Jace looks at Clary", the boy said earnestly.

Isabelle was looking nervously between Alec and her parents, who were both staring at Alec. Alec was even more pale than usual, a look of terror on his face as he fumbled over his words of denial. Isabelle's heart ached for him. He had only just stopped denying to her that he was gay but had certainly never said so himself, and she knew the last thing he wanted was for their parents to know; she could not predict their reaction, but she knew that it would not be a good one.

Maryse looked pointedly between Isabelle and Max; Isabelle's cue to take her little brother away from the scene. She caught Alec's eye as they left the room. He gave her a panicked look but she just mouthed 'just do it, you'll be okay, I'll be right outside,' and rushed from the room. She wished she believed it. Isabelle desperately wanted to stay and protect him like he always protected her, but she knew it was too late; Robert was determined to have answers.

                     * * *  
Alec could feel his hands trembling. He was breathing rapidly as panic washed over him. Across the table Maryse and Robert fixed him with grimly expectant expressions. He knew he would need an incredible lie to escape this situation but his mind was blank. He felt sick and dizzy as he gritted his teeth. Alec had fought demons, seen people die, nearly died himself, but he had never felt the icy grip of fear as acutely as he felt it right now, as though he was hanging over a frozen abyss, and the slightest wrong move would send him plummeting into the icy depths below.

Looking down he table he braced himself. Steeling himself, he mumbled, "I'm dating Magnus."  
He heard his father's sharp intake of breath. Though Robert's voice was level when he spoke, Alec could hear the thinly concealed rage beneath as he said "That's impossible. Magnus is a man. You couldn't be dating a man."

Alec could feel his heart hammering against his ribcage. He thought at least his parents would figure out the obvious from his first confession and save him the task of saying the two words he had lived in fear of saying out loud for the last five years, but apparently even that was too much to ask.

All the terror of discovery, the fear of the reactions and fear of himself, culminated in this moment. A moment that frequented his nightmares, from which he woke shaking and sweating. Sucking in a deep and trembling breath, he whispered, "I'm gay." Alec's fingers gripped the table so hard that his nails were forming grooves in the expensive wood.

"What?" Maryse sounded as though she was about to faint.

Alec looked between his parents, and staring his father straight in the eyes repeated the words clearly. "I'm gay". He was shocked that his voice was not shaking.

Alec could clearly see the vein in his fathers forehead throbbing. The man was turning a deep puce colour and looked as though his eyes might pop out of his skull. Roberts knuckles were white, his fingers still wrapped around his cutlery. "How dare you. After everything we have done for you, this is how you repay us?" His voice shook with rage as he spoke.

Maryse put a hand on her husband's arm as she tried to calm him down, but he shook her off.  
"Dad-" Alec began, but he was cut off. It took everything Alec had to maintain eye contact with his father; to not cower away from the look of pure, burning hatred and disgust in the man's eyes as he ground out in a deadly whisper, "You are no son of mine. You are disgusting and worthless. You have no right to be a shadowhunter. You are a disgrace to this family and a disgrace to nephilim kind. I always knew there was something wrong with you; Jace would never do something like this. You are not welcome under this roof. Get out."

Even Maryse, who had looked horrified at Alec's confession, seemed shocked by Roberts words. "Robert, maybe-".

"I SAID GET OUT!" Robert screamed, flinging his steak knife across the table where it lodged itself in Alec's upper arm. Maryse flinched, but Alec was numb with shock and oblivious to any pain as he pushed back his chair and hurried blindly toward the entrance to the institute. His father's words swam round and round in his head but he felt detached from them, as though he was hearing them through a strangers ears. It was only when he bumped into Jace as he descended the steps that he came back to reality with a sharp thud and really registered what had just happened.

"Alec, buddy, what's wrong? You look like someone just killed your puppy," Jace joked. "Alec?" Jace shook him by the shoulder. And then it all hit Alec like a freight train; he had always known his parents would be furious if they had found out, so he wasn't surprised. But some of the things that Robert had said cut into Alec far more than the knife still wedged in his shoulder. 'I always knew there was something wrong with you.' 'You are disgusting and worthless'. The words swam around in Alec's head and his knees buckled under him.

                     * * *  
Jace watched in horror as his parabatai, the strongest person he knew, sank to the steps of the institute. He felt his chest twist in pain as Alec's shoulders curled over. He had known Alec for seven years and had watched the boy go through all kinds of horrors, but in all that time he had never seen Alec cry. Now, Alec shook silently as tears began to stream from his eyes. It was all Jace could do not to cry himself as he saw his parabatai in such pain.

He could not imagine what could have elicited this reaction from the usually stoic boy. He sat on the step beside Alec and pulled him against his chest. Alec flinched at first but when Jace did not let go Alec eventually sagged against his chest as silent sobs racked his body. Jace just held him tighter.

"Alec?" Jace said gently. "Alec, what's going on? Is someone hurt? What is it?" Alec simply shook his head. "Let's go inside."

"Can't," Alec choked out.

"What? Why?"

"Robert kicked me out", Alec muttered. Jace frowned. Why would Robert throw his own son out of their home? "Why?" Alec shook his head harder. Jace held both Alec's shoulders so that they were facing each other. Alec wouldn't meet his eyes. He was no longer crying but he continued to shake. "Alec you need to tell me. Alec please", Jace heard the desperation in his own voice.

Alec whispered something inaudible. "What?" Jace asked.

"I told them I'm gay", Alec whispered.

Jace did not know what he had expected, but this was not it. The possibility that Alec was gay had crossed his mind on a few occasions over time; Alec had never dated or slept around like him and Isabelle, but Jace had eventually put that down to Alec's loyalty to the job, always giving his shadowhunter responsibilities so much work and commitment that he had time for little else. Jace had also caught his parabatai staring at him with something unreadable on several occasions but had attributed that- perhaps arrogantly- to his overall tendency to draw the attention of anyone and everyone.

He wanted to slap himself. How could he have been so oblivious? This was his parabatai, his brother, and he hadn't even noticed.

Jace realised that Alec had pulled away from him with his confession, and was now studiously avoiding Jace's eyes.

"I'm sorry," Alec breathed so quietly that Jace almost missed it.

Jace frowned in confusion. "What for?"

Alec's voice was harsh on the surface, but Jace could hear the vulnerability that that harshness was attempting to conceal. "For- for being a disappointment. For being disgusting and a disgrace to the nephilim and to you. For being so weak and pathetic. For being gay."

Jace felt his wrench painfully. "Alec. Look at me," he urged gently.  
Reluctantly, Alec looked up. His eyes shone with tears, and they seemed to swim, the deep blue vivid against the dark frame of his black lashes, which were stuck into points from the tears. That one look was all it took for Jace to feel his heart break. They were like fathomless oceans, filled with torment, self hatred and fear. He looked tortured, torn, all the things that Jace would have seen had he made the effort to look past the thin veil put up by the constant guard Alec had up. The things he should have seen, but didn't. Didn't, because when they became parabatai, Jace did it so that there would always be someone who had his back. And Alec, kind, selfless Alec had played his part and far more besides. He had been there as Jace mourned the supposed death of his father. He had seen Jace's pain when no one else had and had helped him through it. He was there to clean up the messes Jace's recklessness made, and defend and protect him, even taking injury Jace's actions had caused without ever pointing blame. He saw Jace, sometimes better than Jace saw himself. And what had Jace done in return? He loved Alec, of course he did, but that wasn't enough.

He had accepted all Alec gave him, and began to take it for granted. It never crossed his mind that Alec might need him to return the favour. He didn't see the conflict and anguish that constantly permeated Alec's thoughts, because he never thought to look. Jace had not been for Alec what Alec had been for him, and Alec was blaming himself; Alec hated himself.

For the first time since Valentine killed his falcon ten years ago, he felt a tear slip from his eye before he could stop it. Jace looked Alec directly in the eyes, holding his gaze.

"Alec. Never apologise to me. Do you understand? You have the most integrity, are the kindest and most selfless person I have ever known, or could ever know. You have always understood and been there for me; you were my lifeline when I had no one."

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
